Expression ng Mukha…

Tatay: Anak pag-uwi mo ibigay mo sa Nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na ‘to na makukuha niya for child support, tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng mukha niya.

Anak: Mommy, sabi ni Tatay ibigay ko daw sa’yo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng mukha mo.

Nanay: Anak sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya, paki sabi salamat sa suporta niya for the last 18 years kahit di mo siya Tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng mukha niya.

"ITLOG"

Buta nga bol-anon gipangumusta sa iyang kompare sa iyang bakasyon sa Mindanao ...

Benjie : Sano' kumusta man imong bakasyon sa Mindanao?

Sanny: Jawa sano lain man didto sa Mindanao kay ako mang itlog ang sigi
             nilang hisgotan ...
Benjie : Ngano man diay nang itlog nimo sano?
Sanny:  Saliman ka sano' pag abot lang gani nako sa pantalan sa GenSan
             gitagna na ang color ... ingon ang bata 'itlog mo noy orange',
             naay moingon, 'itlog mo noy init pa' ... itlog mo noy atong asinan ...
             pwerte jud nakong kuyawa sano, saliman kag asinan!...
Benjie: Hehehe ... basin nigimaw ang imo itlog sano?
Sanny: Tingali kaha, kay NATAG-ANAN man sa bata ...
Benjie: Haa! nganong natag-anan man sa bata sano??

Sannie: Honghong sya ... ... Itlog mo noy usa nalang kabook ... bugnaw na!!!

Benjie: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ... ... ...

My Brother.............

A husband gets home early from work and he hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and breathless. “What's up?”  he says. “I'm having a heart attack,” cries his wife. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing the phone, his four-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ricky's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on”.  The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. “You jerk,” he yells, 'my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes the scaring the kids!'

I won’t Cut 2 Inches Just For You!!!!!!

A gorgeous lady was sitting alone in a bar...

ROGER: Hi There! (The lady ignored him).

ROGER: You caught my attention as I enter the bar, is it okay to get your number?

SEXY LADY: If you have a BMW, a house in Boracay , millions of peso bank account and 7 inches penis, then you can get my number. But I guess you do not have it, so my answer is NO!!!

ROGER: I do not have all those Miss, I just have a FERRARI, an ISLAND in Palawan, a billion dollar bank account. And excuse me, I won't cut 2 inches of my penis just for your number!!!! Heh!!!

CITIZENSHIP........

A Filipino lady was taking the exam for US naturalization and citizenship. She passed the test.

Examiner: Now, the last part of the exam is a vocabulary test. Can you spell the word WINDOW?

Pinay Applicant: W-I-N-D-O-W."

Examiner: Ah, very good. Now, use it in a sentence.

Pinay Applicant: WINDOW I get my citizenship papers?

Anong Gustong Luto;

AMO: Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya. Darating ang mga kaibigan ko.

INDAY : Yes ma’am! Ano'ng klase ng luto ang gusto ninyo, yung babalik pa sila uli o hindi na!