Intsik Namamaalam...

Bago namatay si Mr. Lee ay isa-isa n'yang tinawag ang kanyang pamilya mula asawa hanggang sa mga anak niya: 

Mr. Lee: "Akyen junior and'yan ba?"
Junior: "Dito po!"
Mr. Lee: "Akyen panganay and'yan ba?"
Panganay: "Dito po!"
Mr. Lee: "Akyen anak na babae and'yan ba?"
Anak: "Dito po!"
Mr. Lee: "Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"
Asawa: "Honey, andito ako!"
Mr. Lee: "Walang hiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala na tao tindahan!"

LOLA..... GI-HOLD-UP

Holdaper: Hold-up ni, ipagawas ang tanan nimong kwarta.
Lola: Wala ko'y kwarta!
Holdaper: Naa! Nakahibalo ko asa nimo gibutang!
(Gikuot sa holdaper ang iyang bra ug nakuha ang tag 500 pesos)
Lola: Doy padayon pa ug panguot, naa pay tag 1,000 sa ubos

Do you LOVE someone this much????

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...

Girl: Slow down please. I’m scared.

Guy: No Honey this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, it’s too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Please slow down!!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

And the girl hugs him...................

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself. It’s bugging me.

In the paper the next day : A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one had survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know.

Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Dipolog ug Tacloban Airport Bag-ohon,......

Si presidente Aquino ang kanunay nga nag-biyahe sa Visayas ug Mindanao ang makasinati na unya ug kaharuhay, mas barato ug mas-efficient nga biyahe kung madayon na unya ang gikatakdang pagpa-anindot sa duha ka airport nga naa mahimutang sa Visayas ug Mindanao. Kini human nga gi ablihan na alang sa bidding ang maong mga proyekto.

Kasamtangan na karong gi-anunsyo nga mag-dawat na ug mga proposals ang Department of Transportation and Communication office o DOTC sugod karong September 24 karong tuiga alang sa pag-improve sa airport sa Dipolog sa Mindanao ug Tacloban sa Visayas. Kining maong mga proyekto ang gibana-banang mo kantidad ug 319 Million Pesos sunod sa pasalig ni Pangulong Aquino ang pag-modernize sa tanang pasilidad sa airport dinhi sa nasud.

Kining maong lakang ang gihimo aron maka-imbita pa kita ug daghan nga mga kapitalista para mo bubo ug capital sa maong mga lugar. Ang Tacloban airport ang gi-budgetan ug 252 Million samtang ang Dipolog Airport and adunay 67 Million nga allocation.

Ang airport sa Tacloban ang kasamtangan nga nag serbisyo sa mga biyaheng Manila ug Cebu ug isa sa walo sa pinaka-busy nga airport sa nasud nga adunay gibanabanng pasahero nga sobra sa usa ka milyon kada tuig, matud pa sa DOTC. Kining maong mga lakang ang maka-padugang sa mga turistang mo-bisita, lokal ug international aron ma bisita ang Calbiga Cave, ang mga beach sa Guiunan, ang bag-ohay nga surfing hot spot sa Calicoan Island, San Juanico Bridge, Calvary Hill, Price Mansion ug ang Maria Kanon Madonna of Peace Shrine.

Ang Dipolog airport sa laing bahin ang adunay 200,000 ka pasahero matag tuig nga ang biyahe gilangkuban sa Manila ug Cebu ug Vice Versa. Kini usab nga airport ang sentro sa negosyo sa syudad, Dapitan City ug sa probinsya sa Zamboanga del Norte ug sa sikbit nga probinsya ang Misamis Occidental. Kini usab gi bisitahan sa mga sikat ug prominenting turista tungod sa sikat nga mga beach sa Dakak Park and Beach Resort, Aliguay ug Sulinog Island, Dapitan Bay, Cogon jungle adventure ug ang water adventure sa Sungkilaw Falls.

Kasamtangan karong gipaniguro sa DOTC ngadto sa publiko ug usa ka bidding nga nag-agi sa sakto ug transparent nga proseso.

Self Appraisal

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.  He climbed on to the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn.."

Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: ( with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of General Santos City .."

Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

Hot Sister

I was happy, my girlfriend and I had been dating for almost 3 years, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me...A and my girlfriend???? Ooh.... she was a dream!               
                                                                           
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her 18 year old younger sister named Rowena. My prospective sister-in-law wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.                                                             
                                                                           
One day Rowena called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.           
                                                                           
  Rowena told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with me just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs, when she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.               
                                                                           
I walked straight towards my car, my future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes he hugged me and said; "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter, welcome to the family".                                 
                                                                           
The moral of this story is: 

"Always keep your condoms in your car."       

Babaye Nag-Apply ug Sundalo.............

Babaye: Sir... sir. Mag-apply ko pagka-sundalo.
Opisyal sa Sundalo: Dili ka pwede!!!!!!!!!!!!! bungi ka!!!!!!!!! kulang imong ngipon!!!!!!!!! ug gisi ang imong lips!!!!!!
Babaye: Ha!!!! unsa na diay ang gira karon sir. LIPS to LIPS..