Thursday, December 11, 2014
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FOR ILONGGO COMRADES! ( VERY FUNNY )
Pinadala sa Amerika ang dalawang Pinoy na Scout Ranger para mag training sa jungle survival kasama ang ang mga US Army:
DODONG: Kanami diri sa Amerika Juan diri na gid guro ta mag manggaranon ai.
JUAN: Gani man dong tugnaw pa gid diri.
( May nagpalapit ng Amerikano nga sundalo.)
US ARMY 1: Hey what do you want?
DODONG: Bal-an nya ngalan mo Juan haw?
JUAN: Gani hu. Ambot sini sa iya dong.
US ARMY 1: Do you want job?
DODONG: Bantay Juan dyab-bun ka ya kuno.
JUAN: Ai ari imo ay tapungol!
( Bug!)
US ARMY 1: What did you do?
DODONG: Preparar Juan ma JUDO daw kuno sya.
JUAN: Ai sapat ka ha! Ari imo sipa!
( Wapak!)
( May nakakita nga isa pa nga Amerikano nga sundalo.)
US ARMY 2: Hey what happen?
DODONG kag JUAN: Oooops! Indi kana mag apin! Madisgrasya kalang!
Hehehe!
We Strike!
"Gigil"
Haliparot girl: Hey boy!yo ur so hot.
Boy: Oh, thanks!
Girl: Alam mo para kang taong nasa loob ng mosquetero at aku ung lamok na takam na takam na sa'yo at naghihintay na lumabas ka.
Boy: Ah, ganun ba? o sige may ilalabas ako para sayo.
Girl: (natuwa) Talaga? Sige, kanina ko pa yan hinihintay!
Boy: Talaga lang ha! o eto na ang baygon para mawala ka na!
hahahahahahaha.. patay kang bata ka!
Boy: Oh, thanks!
Girl: Alam mo para kang taong nasa loob ng mosquetero at aku ung lamok na takam na takam na sa'yo at naghihintay na lumabas ka.
Boy: Ah, ganun ba? o sige may ilalabas ako para sayo.
Girl: (natuwa) Talaga? Sige, kanina ko pa yan hinihintay!
Boy: Talaga lang ha! o eto na ang baygon para mawala ka na!
hahahahahahaha.. patay kang bata ka!
FIRST DATE
Bagong sahod ang isang Scout Ranger sa Regiment kaya pumunta agad sya sa nililigawan nyang Piloto ng Air Force sa isang Air Base:
RANGER: Maam nood tayo ng sine libre kita.
PILOTO: Baka pagdating dun hahawakan mo yung kamay ko?
RANGER: Hindi ko po gagawin yun Maam!
PILOTO: Baka pagdating dun ay hihipuan mo ako?
RANGER: Hindi ko po yan gagawin Maam! Peksman!
PILOTO: Baka pagdating dun ay nanakawan mo ako ng halik?
RANGER: Pangako Maam hinding hindi ko po gagawin yan!
PILOTO: Anlabo mo! Manood ka mag isa mo!
Hehehehe!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Si Inday.............
Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday
bilang katulong sa Maynila.
Habang ini-interview ng amo.....
Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-linis ng bahay,
Magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng
ito?
Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.
Amo: [Nagdugo ang ilong.]
Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.
Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural
design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: [Nagdugo ulit ang ilong.]
Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan....
Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?
Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]
Donya: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
Donya: [Hinimatay.]
Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa Principal's office dahil hindi makapunta ang amo at donya.
Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.
Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict an injury to anyone. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids in this educational institution. Your policies need revision because they suck!
Principal: [Nagbitiw sa tungkulin.]
Pagdating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris is scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast, causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]
Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.
Inday: Stop your rambunctious behavior! It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens, there will be the corresponding corporal punishment to be inflicted upon you!
Junior: [Takbo sa CR, para hugasan ang nagdudugong ilong.]
Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nasa balita na umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.
Junior: Bakit kaya siya umalis?
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know instinctively that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be very tough, and it's even harder when people can't understand you for doing so.
Junior: [Binalunguyngoy na naman. Takbo ulit sa CR.]
Nung gabing yon, may nag-text kay inday--si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipagtext-mate..
Biday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request - Irrevocable denial.
Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging girlfriend niya rin si inday.
Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si inday kay Dodong.
Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you made the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of, however. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!
Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken....
I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself!
May dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.
Basurero (kay inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you think are just nothing because someday you will realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you had been wishing for to stay..
UPDATE.
Narinig ng amo ni inday ang lahat-lahat.
Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng inggles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito!
Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak as kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam- gunamin.
Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran..
Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Yung makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!
Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!
Nyahaha HANDS UP me sayo manang inday nyahahaha !!!!
bilang katulong sa Maynila.
Habang ini-interview ng amo.....
Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-linis ng bahay,
Magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng
ito?
Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.
Amo: [Nagdugo ang ilong.]
Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.
Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural
design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: [Nagdugo ulit ang ilong.]
Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan....
Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?
Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]
Donya: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
Donya: [Hinimatay.]
Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa Principal's office dahil hindi makapunta ang amo at donya.
Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.
Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict an injury to anyone. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids in this educational institution. Your policies need revision because they suck!
Principal: [Nagbitiw sa tungkulin.]
Pagdating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris is scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast, causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]
Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.
Inday: Stop your rambunctious behavior! It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens, there will be the corresponding corporal punishment to be inflicted upon you!
Junior: [Takbo sa CR, para hugasan ang nagdudugong ilong.]
Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nasa balita na umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.
Junior: Bakit kaya siya umalis?
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know instinctively that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be very tough, and it's even harder when people can't understand you for doing so.
Junior: [Binalunguyngoy na naman. Takbo ulit sa CR.]
Nung gabing yon, may nag-text kay inday--si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipagtext-mate..
Biday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request - Irrevocable denial.
Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging girlfriend niya rin si inday.
Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si inday kay Dodong.
Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you made the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of, however. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!
Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken....
I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself!
May dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.
Basurero (kay inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you think are just nothing because someday you will realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you had been wishing for to stay..
UPDATE.
Narinig ng amo ni inday ang lahat-lahat.
Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng inggles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito!
Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak as kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam- gunamin.
Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran..
Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Yung makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!
Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!
Nyahaha HANDS UP me sayo manang inday nyahahaha !!!!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Sampol..........
Cindy: Nong tilawi na ning among pagkaon o, libre lang ni Nong.
Darwin: Libre lang bitaw mag tilaw Day????
Cindy: Oo Nong. Sige tilaw na.
Darwin: (Mikuha ug plato ug kutsara ug mi-tilaw) Waaah.. pan-os ma ni inyo sud-an Day uy...
Cindy: Oo, mao nay mahitabo kung ang sud-an dili ibutang sa refrigerator Nong. Busa palit na sa among ref para dili mapan-os ang inyong sud-an.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha tagggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmm.
Darwin: Libre lang bitaw mag tilaw Day????
Cindy: Oo Nong. Sige tilaw na.
Darwin: (Mikuha ug plato ug kutsara ug mi-tilaw) Waaah.. pan-os ma ni inyo sud-an Day uy...
Cindy: Oo, mao nay mahitabo kung ang sud-an dili ibutang sa refrigerator Nong. Busa palit na sa among ref para dili mapan-os ang inyong sud-an.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha tagggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmm.
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