A Good Student....

Gisugo si Juan sa iyang mama magpalit ug pagkaon….

JUAN: Te,magpalit ko ug jampods (nagdagan pakahuman nadagma)

TINDERA: Dong nahulog imong pagkaon punita 

JUAN: Ayaw na Te dirty na na 

(while pasakay sa bus nahulog ang iyang mama) 

DRIVER: Dong imong mama tabangi nahulog 

JUAN: Ayaw na Kol dirty na na! 

Refregerator...

Boy: Miss refrigerator ka ba?
Girl: Huh? Tarong ha!!!! dako ba gyud diay ko?
Boy: Hindi, nag yeyelo kasi ngipin mo.

Estorayaheeeeee 1........

Boy: Miss, ketchup ka ba?
Girl: Ahhh sus.... unsa naman pud nga ka kornehan?
Boy: Hahahahaha.... kay gipangita naman gud ka sa akong hotdog

New dictionary for students….

ALLOWANCE :  a force that motivates you to go to school.

BONUS :  the key to pass the exam.
ID :  alternative ruler to draw a straight line.
STUDYING :  causes sleepiness faster than a sleeping pills.
TOMORROW :  deadline.
CLINIC :  home of best actors and actresses.
BREAK :  most enjoyable subject.
NERD :  best friend during exams!

A Monkey....

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Church Bells.....

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Rowena went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Rowena told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

A Poor Husband...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any shampoo. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"